Sunday, June 01, 2008

Has it been almost three years?

I was reading my Mom's blog and see that she just celebrated her third anniversary as a blogger. How cool is she? A grandmother blogging, and doing a pretty darn good job of it if I do say so myself (as a blood relative, of course!). Big congrats to her!! I ended up starting my blog after reading hers, and thinking it was such a great idea. I've come a long way, way back from my first post . . . when Thing 1 was just literally one and so wee back then. And Thing 2 was cooking in my tummy. Thing 3 was not even a conscious thought. Because we used to think having three kids was just for crazy people. And now we are certifiably insane.

I sat reflecting for a little while on the past three years. I know it's a cliche, but WOWZA has time gone by fast. As I lingered slowly over a glass of wine last night - because I really shouldn't have more than one glass while I am nursing Leah - I was struck with the recognition that I have been pregnant or breastfeeding for most of the past FIVE years. That's a lot of drinking I haven't been doing . . . or for those who choose to see the glass as half full, that's a lot of cocktails to look forward to in the future sometime. Join me in raising a glass of your favourite wine or spirits, to all that I have learned.

In the past three years . . .

I have made some wonderful, amazing and caring friends, many of them online.

I have underestimated my abilities as a mother.

I have been completely proud of my abilities as a mother.

I have loved unconditionally. I have been loved unconditionally.

I felt a terrifying fear during pregnancy and wondered if I could a) handle three kids, and b) love three kids equally.

I have without a doubt loved three children equally and with all of my heart.

I have even still had room in my heart to love the man I call my husband. I have not always been the perfect wife to him and I have sometimes been amazed that he sticks around.

I have learned how much work marriage is, and how every effort put forth is totally worth it.

I have read 947 parenting books. I have countless times, after finishing said books, picked up the phone and dialed my mother to ask her "what she would do" if she were in my shoes. I have even followed her advice, even after I probably muttered "uh, but things are just different now, mom".

I have learned to love myself for who I am, and to embrace my own flaws and imperfections.

I have second-guessed my decision to be home to raise my children while they are small.

I have exploded with joy and pride while watching my three Things blossom into amazing little people.

I have been filled with tremendous anxiety and stress.

I have overcome anxiety and stress and somehow have become a calmer, more grounded person.

I have sought acceptance and approval from others.

And I am still learning that while friends and family are important, it is only my own acceptance and approval which is paramount.

I learned how to make lemonade from lemons, and that thinking positively can change your whole day.

I think I found my purpose in life.

4 comments:

Donna said...

Wow! That was some glass of wine! Deep thoughts and musings and realizations.

So maybe now you believe me when I said that I didn't love your sister more than you and that I didn't have favourites!

Have a wonderful week!

Rebecca A.K.A. Mum said...

Congrats to you (and your mum) on 3 years of blogging Shan!!

I love your thoughts, they are all so true for many of us I think.

HUGS girl! :)

dougnlarry said...

Shan, that's so beautiful. You should be a writer. I'm in tears here.

AK Alter Ego said...

Love it Shannon. I am so glad to have found you and be able to count you as one of my dear on-line friends with hopes of meeting someday.

 
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