Do you hear what I hear?

Because so many asked . . . yes, the barbecue was a success. The mommies (plus one token daddy) came. They laughed, they played, they drank, they ate, they chattered. They basked in the sunshine while my gorgeous,well-behaved cocker spaniel sat quietly in the corner of our yard, looking longingly at the burgers and dogs on the barbie, but showing such self-restraint that he looked almost like a statue. And while Thing 1 and Thing 2 played well with the other children, sharing their toys and playthings, laughing and running around the backyard while smiling the entire time.

O.K., I am partially lying. Everything from "gorgeous, well-behaved cocker . . . " didn't happen. The dog went nuts. He barked incessantly and just about decapitated himself from pulling so hard on his rope to see if he could reach some hot dog scraps. But he did appear cute, and all who came appeared to love him. Pete's preschool buddies were indeed well behaved, they were happy and played well with others. My children? Not so much. Thing 2 (still reeling from having given up his naps at 18 MONTHS OLD) was a basket case and completely tired. He a) fell off the slide and hurt himself, and b) became injured in a sword battle. Who knew preschoolers yielded so many plastic swords? Thing 1 was in tip top condition. Hyper beyond all belief and ear plugs in full force. I mean, what other reason would there be for him to not listen to one single word I spoke to him all afternoon??????

I actually had to google it, I was so upset.

Babycenter.com tells me what to do when my preschooler ignores me. I am to be "clear and realistic" in my directions and in my expectations. Check. "Don't run into the neighbour's yard." Simple, clear, direct, and imperative to safety.

They also suggest you "follow through" on what you say you are going to do. Check. After three warnings, and sending 7 children sprinting through my next door neighbour's garden, I pick Pete up and take him for a time out. He laughs at me.

"Motivate your preschooler" comes next. Try not to say "because I said so". Check. What about "there are bylaws that exist stating you should generally not allow underage children to run rampant throughout the neighbourhood"? Please Paul, fix the fence this weekend!!!

"Use alternatives to no." Check. "Please stay in our yard, Pete."

And last, but not least:
"If your preschooler seems to ignore you more often than he listens, talk to his pediatrician about the problem. The doctor may recommend a hearing test or other developmental evaluations."

OH! Now why didn't I think of that? He's DEAF! Both Thing 1 and Thing 2 are! Time to fix them up with a couple o' hearing aids and we'll be just like new.

Checklist for next year's preschool barbecue . . . burgers, hotdogs, drinks, salad, ice cream sandwiches, sun hats, sunscreen, dog muzzle and HEARING AIDS.

:-)