I do

You know those really annoying people who bring BABIES to weddings? Have you ever sat next to one of them? Aren't they completely and utterly irritating? Even when the baby is quiet, it's never real actual silence, because babies make noises just being alive . . . gurgling, burping, cooing. Many of these noises can even be pleasant, but are still,well, noise.

My worst fear came true yesterday and I had to bring the won't-drink-from-a-bottle-to-save-my-life baby with me to a wedding. The boys' granny was babysitting them, and I had dinner all planned and figured life would go on as scheduled without me there. They are more independent lately, and with Thing 2 potty trained that means no diapers to change. Basically you just help Thing 2 with his pjs (Thing 1 has been getting dressed on his own for months now, thank goodness) and they're off to sleep without a hitch. Thing 3 is just another story. She requires a lot more care and loving and prefers her milk straight from the tap. Demands it this way, actually.

So at the risk of actually missing the wedding, and after taking a poll among my friends who would be attending the wedding, we decided to bring the little bambino with us. We expected her to sleep through the ceremony (which was at 4:00) because she hadn't yet had her afternoon nap.

Not the case.

She was awake for the entire ceremony, and while she never once cried or was what I would constitute as *loud*, I still took her outside for most of the vows. The doors were open at the back so it was easy for us to stand almost out of sight (and earshot), still see most of the event, but be able to sneak out if things got out of hand. They never did, she was quite good and happy the entire time.

After the ceremony a cocktail hour was held, so I snuck to the ladies washroom (which was not air conditioned) to nurse Leah.

On a toilet seat.

In a gross little stall.

That was not for the handicapped, so it was incredibly tiny.

She drifted off to sleep and before I became too ecstatic about heading back to the wedding with a sleeping babe, I realized there was no way for me to slip my dress back on and tie it while holding Thing 3. I wore a halter dress thinking that it would be easy to feed her in . . . I think I missed the boat on that one. I had to practically undress completely to enable her access to the milk factory.

But we figured it out. She was pretty well behaved. No one seemed to mind that she was there. And for several short intervals she slept.

Five minutes on mommy.
(Notice my near-balding head from so much post-partum hair loss? I think I have 75 per cent fewer strands than I used to.)
A good seven or eight minutes on daddy.

And even crashed out on my friend C halfway through dinner. C insisted I eat my desert and have coffee sans baby. It was heaven. Thanks buddy!

So all in all not too shabby. It was a lovely ceremony, the groom (C) wrote and sang a beautiful song to his new wife N, and it was amazing. And the bride was stunning, she just looked gorgeous.

And while I love a great wedding as much as the next guy, PLEASE people, no more weddings until my Things are older!!!